I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
