I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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