Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm too high and old for this...
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
