You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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