Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
