those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
