The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
