I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
