i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize