can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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