You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
