woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
