I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
