I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
