I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
