Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
