I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
