So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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