How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
