OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I only lived at night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
