Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize