It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
