I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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