I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
