before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
