I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
