ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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