absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
