i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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