I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
