Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
