The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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