i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
