i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
