Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
