My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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