I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
