great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
