____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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