I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
