we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize