Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
