I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
