Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize