from now on my penis is your penis
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
