her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize