Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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