Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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