I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
