i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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