Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
