I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
