4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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