Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
