gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
