I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
