Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
