I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
