Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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