I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
