PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
