i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
