Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
