u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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