it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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