Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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