I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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