I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
