How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize