i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
