Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
