The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize