ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
