How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
