I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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