dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
