I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
