guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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