She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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