Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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