Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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